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Do You Hate Negotiating?
8 Steps to Get You Started
by Grande Lum
July 15, 2008
N
egotiation is a lot like public speaking -- it can be terrifying. Before I started to
work in the negotiation field, I was terrified of having to “ bargain” with someone else. I thought
I would end up with the short end of the stick. I was afraid of either giving in too easily or
getting so fed up that I would explode with anger. Therefore, I tended to avoid negotiating. I
found myself not getting things I really needed and letting difficult issues simmer. If this
problem sounds familiar, what can you do about it? Here are some simple ideas to help get you off
the diving platform and into the negotiating pool.
1. See negotiation
with an “abundance” view.
People would not enter a negotiation unless they wanted something. Recognizing this and
knowing that all parties can leave having gained something, can help reduce your anxiety. Sure, the
pie has to be divided, but that’s not where you should start, nor is it where you should end.
Seeing negotiation with a scarcity view is self-fulfilling at best. Try to think about why the
other side is engaging you. Find ways that you could end up getting both your needs met.
2. Make progress not perfection.
Negotiation can be even more challenging than public speaking, since unlike a speech, there
are at least two people involved and there is no script. Therefore, the outcome is more
unpredictable, causing anxiety. Expecting perfection is unrealistic. Making progress is a more
realistic goal. Skill grows with experience.
3. Step into your own shoes.
It is crucial to increase self-awareness and to see yourself objectively. What is it that
you really want in this situation? What is success? What are the consequences of not negotiating?
What will you not be able to achieve?
4. Step into their shoes.
How does the other person see the situation? Are they out to get you? Or could they also be
anxious and trying to protect themselves? Given your assessment of them, think how can you say
things in a way that will best be heard.
5. Practice in “no-risk” situations.
Opportunities to practice negotiating present themselves everyday. Go to a garage sale or
flea market. Look forward to the next time you are at a restaurant and they get your order wrong.
Gaining confidence in situations that are less risky can help you deal better in those negotiations
that really matter.
6. Do your homework.
Know your facts. What are the standards, precedents, data that may come up in the
negotiation? What will you do if the negotiation goes south? Relevant information builds both
negotiation confidence and competence.
7. Rehearse the challenging situations.
Ask a friend or trusted colleague to help you practice. Again, since you ultimately have no
control over the other party, focus on what you are going to do.
8. Relax.
Most of us interact better when we’re calm and focused. Find ways to ease your anxiety.
Whether it’s going for a run, meditating or reading a good novel, getting yourself in the right
mindset is critical. Getting over negotiation performance anxiety is a key to self-improvement. You
can then focus on all the fundamentals and advanced skills of negotiation. Employing strategies to
reduce self-consciousness, increase self-awareness and increase your comfort level are important
steps toward better negotiating.
©2008 Miller Heiman, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of these materials is by permission
of Miller Heiman, Inc.
